Today I’m in a creative mood for some reason. I don’t know why but I sit here and think and think. In most cases this is a terrible for of torture that I do to myself, but when it comes to you, it’s different. Believe me when I say you take up 95% of my brain. Even when I’m not thinking about you, I am. That sounds impossible. But no matter what I do, you’ll always come across my mind at some point. When I walk down the hall at school, I wish it were you and I holding hands while we walk to class. When I’m taking a test, I wonder what you’re doing that second. When I think about you, I can’t help but ask myself if you’re thinking of me too.
I used to get upset when I thought about you. We’ve been together for a year, and it’s taken me until now to finally feel at ease. I used to worry about you finding someone else. I always thought that I couldn’t possibly be the best person you needed in your life. But now I know, after 5 years of talking to you, crying over you, hating you, and loving you, that you are the one for me. It’s cliche. And I hate saying it, but I feel like after having your love, no one else could compare.
I used to hate the fact that you’re there and I’m here. I hated past things you’ve done, as you’ve hated mine. I was focused on stuff that happened before. We hurt each other, we both quit, lots of times, but in the end it worked out. And I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Five years isn’t long to know someone, but with you, it seems longer. But also shorter at the same time. I remember thinking that this was a fling, something to pass the time. Something fun. But from there it grew into something so large, that I could’t ever forget you. You’re a blessing in my life.
Us being together for so long, friends for five years, love interests for 3, official for 1, it’s put things into perspective. I never thought I’d get to meet your family. Hell I never thought I’d get to meet you. But now that I have, there is no way I’m going away. I love your hugs, your kisses, your “hm’s”, your laugh, your eyes, your sister, your house. I love everything about you. And I can honestly say, you are the first person I have ever wanted to be with forever.
We’ve been through so much. So many fights, tears, break-ups, and set backs. Honestly, it really has been us against the world. Us against ourselves, even. But we are making it work. I take pride in being with you for over 13 months, because it’s a hard thing to do. And it’s even harder being 836 miles away. But I love you, and you love me, and even though it’s hard. You’re worth it all.
In a little over a month, I see you again. There is nothing on this earth that I look forward to more than visiting you. I count down the days each time, I still get nervous each time I see your face again, and I still cry every time you leave. I know this distance is only temporary though. And in the end it will make us stronger.
So thank you. Thank you for staying with me for all these years. It’s not easy. You could just as easily had walked away, and forgot about me, but you didn’t. You’ve loved me when I least deserved it, you’ve listened to me when I couldn’t talk to anyone else. You’ve wiped away my tears, and made me smile when I didn’t even want to. I can honestly say I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. And I don’t need to thank you, I know. But you can never understand the gratitude I have towards you for being here for me every day since I had the most fortunate chance of meeting you. This is a love that only comes once, and you can best believe that I am never letting you go.
I love you Ryan Crouch.
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